hangingbyamoment21 on Xanga

Sunday, 29 May 2011

What the hell was I thinking every time you get close to me? It feels like I'm sinking and now that I'm in too deep, I'm coming up for air. And I know you couldn't care, it's not hard to believe. And you're killing me. I'll let you drag me down. Is there a reason you're still around? Yeah, you're pulling me under. It's harder than you know, how easy it could be to let you go. And I cringe when you speak, and life isn't easy like you think. And I begged and I'll plead to let you go.

I don't remember much of that night, except for maybe the look in your eyes.

Everyone tells me I'll be okay soon, but the thing is waiting for soon hurts just as much.

I still miss you, but not like I did ~~before~~. The intense aching I felt isn't there anymore. I still whisper your name, though not as often as I used to. Now it may be once before the day is through. I still hear your voice replaying in my mind, but it's fading now. I don't dream it as much. Soon, silence I will find. I still think about you and ~~wonder~~ how you are, but my feelings have changed and they don't go as far. I still feel you sometimes. Maybe you're thinking of me or maybe it's just a little memory of how it used to be. You still have a piece of my heart because I always feel you here. Now I'm hoping and ~~praying~~ that that, too, will quickly disappear. This will be my last goodbye, I've nothing else to say. Everything I felt for you can now just fade away.

everything is different now.
why are you so distant now?
everything has changed.
yeah, nothing is the same,
since the day you went away,
nothing feels at all okay with me.

All I'd ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below.

Sunday, 01 May 2011

There's someone in her past that she hasn't gotten over yet. Each day is like the last and she misses what she can't forget. It's just an empty space where something used to be. Now she guards the gate, but she's lost the key. So no one enters, but no one leaves.
All the time spent planning and rehearsing for the moment when I'd see you again was useless. One look at you, and I couldn't even remember how to breathe.
I walk out of this darkness with no sense of regret. And I go with a clear conscience, we both know that you can't say that.
I practiced in my head. And all I could do was recite my lines to you, pretending to recall the way it was last fall, for lack of better days. I think this time of year, I see everything too clear, but I still can't understand a thing.
I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don’t have to feel the truth that you can’t ever be the one person that won’t ever forget me. I hope that dreams come when I die so we can talk. I won’t wake up. I’ll ask you how your life worked out. I’ll never know that I’m just dreaming. I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don’t have to feel the truth that you can’t ever be the one person that won’t ever forget me. Let me sleep some more. Let me sleep some more. Let me sleep some more.

Please believe me, I picked up the phone a thousand times and tried to dial your number, but it's been so long.
I wonder whether the things that kill you were not only the crashes and explosions, but the bombs buried deep inside. The bombs ticking quietly in your heart, year after year that you, yourself, have swallowed, and allowed to grow.

And there's a constant pain in my head caused by sights I'd rather forget; I hope this time it will fade away

Wednesday, 06 April 2011

always remember, when the
pain of holding on is greater than
the pain of letting go, it's time to let go.

You can never make the same mistake twice.
The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.
If I handed you a pill right now that could kill you instantly and painlessly,
would you take it?
My hands are cold, my body's numb
Im still in shock, what have you done?
My head is pounding, my visions blurred
Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word.
love and electricity are one in the same. my dear
if you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time
a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, and touch
is felt, then you’re not really in love at all.
i’m not surprised, not everything lasts. i've broken my heart so many times i stopped keeping track.
I'm definitely not a heartless bitch, but if you break my morals, all respect I have for you will be gone
I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it.

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Damaged people are dangerous, because they know they can survive.

I love that moment. When you're on a long car ride, or listening to music, or reading.
And you completely zone out. You forget your troubles, and everyone around you.
You're focused on that one thing, and that one thing only. You're content, and everything seems peaceful.

Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, i.e kissing, hugging, sexing, the act of holding hands is often trivialized in its true implications. As the Beatles once said: ”All I want to do is hold your hand.”

I can't keep myself from shaking and I'm always so cold. And the look in my eyes tell the story of restless nights up until dawn.

All you have left is a blurry vision; something crossed between memory and fantasy.
"Watching my carpet. Watching fibers on my carpet. And the whole time I was watching my carpet I was worrying that I might vomit, and the whole time I was worrying I might vomit, I was thinking: I’m a grown person, I should know what's going on in my head. And the more I thought about it the more I realized I should just blow my brains out and end it all, but the more I wanted to blow my brains out, the more I thought about what that would do to my goddamn carpet."
"It is soft and warm and I am not soft or warm but I imagine that it would be nice to be that way. I have never known it. I know a cold, hard, raging fury deep inside of me and I am tired of it. I am tired of the feeling, I want to die so I don't have to feel it anymore. I would like to be soft and warm. I would be terrified to be that way. I could be hurt if I were soft and warm. I could be hurt by something other than myself. It is harder to be soft than it is to be hard. I could be hurt by something other than myself."
I suffer in silence. I don't cry in front of people. I can smile despite how shitty things are. I will always put you before me. I leave my phone on at night just in case someone needs me. It's because I love everyone else more than I could ever love myself. What can I say, I'm just a fuck up with a good heart.
I want a new drug, one that won't make me sick, one that won't make me crash my car or make me feel three feet thick. I want a new drug, one that won't hurt my head, one that won't make my mouth too dry or make my eyes too red. One that won't make me nervous, wonderin' what to do, one that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you, when I'm alone with you.
- We don’t need to rush... if something’s bound to happen, it will happen. In the right time, with the right person and for the best reason.
I'm careless and I'm cruel but I'm still easily bruised. I'm not bullet proof.
Don't lie about your happiness. If you're sad, you're sad.
Kissing - and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing - is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.
Once you learn to love others,
you will never feel alone again.
i'm so tired of having to be the bigger person
in situations where i really shouldn't have to be.
"The worst drugs are as bad as anybody's told you. It's just a dumb trip, which I can't condemn people if they get into it, because one gets into it for one's own personal, social, emotional reasons. It's something to be avoided if one can help it."

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Too many people go through life running from something that isn't after them.
You can really tell a lot about a person from their taste in music:
what pushes them through rough times, what makes them jump up and dance,
and what makes tears come to their eyes. You just have to hear what they do.
Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs,
while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need.
You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do.
You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job.
You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you
need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire.
You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane.
You can be happy in the rain. Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.
I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
Sometimes, when you're mad, you have the right to be
mad, but you don't have the right to be cruel.
Never force them to love you. Force them to leave you.
The one who stays must truly love you.
letting someone in sometimes means
abandoning the walls you've spent
your whole life building
You can get all A's and still flunk life.
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.
once you realize your past is just a story, it has no power over you.
Friends aren't forever, lovers often go their separate ways, and even families sometimes fall apart. the only person who is guaranteed to be by your side through thick and thin from your first breath to your last sputter, is you.